"Homeschooled Kids are Socially Awkward"
- Stephanie Partridge
- Mar 14
- 8 min read
Updated: Mar 17
This is the third article in a series of posts about homeschooling. To start from the beginning click HERE, or refer to the link at the bottom of the post. Here, I will be addressing comments and questions about homeschooling to guide people to more understanding and informed comments. While my article "Oh, So You Homeschool?" was mainly focused on homeschooling in general, this is geared specifically toward comments related to homeschooled kids. I chose to address the three most common misconceptions:
"Homeschooled kids are socially awkward, unsocialized, and/or weird."
Shortly before I began homeschooling, I went to the park with some friends. They had teenagers who grew up being homeschooled. The older teenage son sat with us moms and participated in our conversation. He made relevant contributions to our discussion, shared his opinions, and when younger kids called for help he got up and pushed kids on the swing without being asked. This behavior was very weird to me - really. It just didn't seem normal. That next week, I was spending some time with a group of youth who were in their older teenage years. They talked with each other a little bit, however, they spent most of their time staring at their phones. Not one of them spoke to me. They weren't outright rude, but they also weren't making an effort to be inclusive. This is the behavior I expected to see from teenagers. Maybe our society is looking at what "normal" is in a teenager wrong.
I will also add that some choose to homeschool because their already "socially awkward" child is not getting the resources they need to thrive in public school. Many homeschooled children are home because of pre-existing behaviors that some may consider "weird." Let's remember correlation does not necessarily mean causation. Please don't jump to assume that being homeschooled causes a child to be socially awkward or weird. I hope we will all have more love and understanding in our hearts to see real people trying to do their best. To illustrate this point, I've included below the 2024 Arizona ESA-reported home-educated students with disabilities. Disabilities don't develop because of homeschooling, they are likely homeschooled because of their disabilities.
Lastly, today I was at my boys' flag football practice. They play for a local Christian league. This group offers daytime classes and sports for homeschooled children as well as evening sports for public-schooled children. At the end of practice, the coach (who does this full-time) asked all the parents and team to come in for a chat. Here is my best attempt to restate exactly what he said to us all:
"This is our second practice for the season, and this is when I like to do a little huddle for the parents and team so we can all be on the same page. I did this last night with all of the public-schooled teams. Our huddles last night were all about discipline issues, getting the kids to stop mouthing off and listen. I've been doing this for several years and our evening sports discussions are probably 70% disciplinary issues with the kids. Homeschooled kids don't have disciplinary issues. You all listen, you are respectful, and kind to each other. This is where I've observed homeschooling seems to be a double-edged sword. Homeschooled kids have no fight in them. Public-schooled kids spend all day fighting for hierarchy, status, and belonging. Sports and competitivenss comes natural to these kids who are used to clawing every day. These kids here need to learn to compete and fight for something. These kids will be destroyed on the field when we compete, because they just are too nice and don't have any sense of urgency."
So yes, homeschooling is not perfect. Homeschooling, by nature, doesn't create kids who claw for the top and that can be seen both as a pro and con in the bucket of public school vs. homeschool. If a child is in public school, they are introduced to all kinds of behaviors and mannerisms that could mold them into who they are. When a child is limited to observations within his/her home, they may not have the opportunity to "try on" different behaviors and mannerisms at a young age. Once again, this can be seen as good or bad. When a public school-educated child begins to show any 'odd' or 'weird' behaviors or mannerisms, they often get called out for them quickly by peers and those behaviors stop (insert run-of-the-mill elementary bullying tactics). The mixing pot of public schools can act as a polisher to smooth out the rough patches of what some would consider non-standard mannerisms and behaviors.
"Homeschooled kids are behind public-educated kids."
According to ACT Research & Policy | Date Byte | June 2020: "The mean ACT Composite scores for homeschooled students trended upwards from 2013 to 2018 and have been consistently higher than those for public school students, with the difference ranging between 1.4 score points in 2007 to 2.7 score points in 2018."
In general, I have found that most home-educated children are advanced in understanding, knowledge retention, and comprehension. I am not saying public school is bad; my children who attend public school have a fantastic education! The statistics I've linked below look at the nationwide institution as a whole, and from that survey, homeschooling wins out in test scores (click on the button link below for a full comparison of homeschool vs public school vs private school ACT scores). However, just like you could walk into any High School and find students who can barely form a proper paragraph, there are outliers in homeschooling as well. You can find homeschooled children who are far behind national averages. These are outliers and NOT the majority, from my observation. Unfortunately, some of these kids whose education is neglected in the home often get thrown back into public school, when parents realize they don't have the time or ability to tackle homeschooling. These outliers are where homeschoolers get a bad reputation. Often, homeschoolers who are ahead and thriving stick with home education, because going to public school would be a step back in their progress. (note: Our two homeschooled kids plan to return to public school next fall. See why in notes at end of post.)
We finished our US History: The Constitution and Government unit a few months ago. As I taught and learned with my boys, I was blown away by the incredible curriculum. We had some amazing lessons together and developed a great love of our Constitution and a deeper understanding of our government. While they may not retain everything they learned, by the end of the unit they could recite from memory the Constitution Preamble, explain how a bill can become a law, and summarize each of the articles of the Constitution in order. I don't recall learning this when I was younger. My husband overheard some of our lessons and even commented on how their understanding was greater than that of most High Schoolers. To illustrate some of what they had learned, I charged them with the task of storyboarding out a knowledge-dump video to close out our unit. They spent a few weeks coming up with ideas of what to include, created a storyboard of how they wanted the video to flow, and wrote scripts. They asked me to be the videographer. The ideas for this video and the knowledge they gained were all theirs.
Homeschooled kids don't have opportunities to do sports or extracurricular activities like public schooled kids.
This right here is one of the biggest reasons we didn't continue homeschooling after Covid restrictions were removed. During Covid, there weren't any sports, clubs, co-ops, museums to visit, etc. We all experienced it. The problem is that this was my kids' first introduction to homeschooling. For them, not having those 'extras' was exactly why they wanted to return to public school. Covid homeschooling is not normal homeschooling! Homeschoolers, in our area anyway, have a lot of possibilities for extracurricular activities. The options are far greater than that of a typical public-schooled child's options. Because of the flexibility in time with homeschooling, we have a wide range of day-time options for the kids. There are thousands of homeschoolers in our community, so many businesses and gyms have learned to capitalize on this demographic. Anything the child could want to learn or explore likely has a daytime option for homeschoolers: astronomy, pottery, welding, PE, sports, dance, gymnastics, gaming, farming, etc. Not to mention the many co-ops, enrichment programs, groups, and homeschool communities. Homeschooling is NOT just sitting around in the home all day. We find ourselves to be very busy most days.
Here is what homeschoolers are missing out on: public school experience. When the older of our two boys decided to homeschool this year, he had one major request - to be in the public school's band. He still wanted to see some of his friends and have the band experience he had seen his older brothers have. We tried. After months of attempted communication with people at our local public school as well as the school district administration to see what could be done, the answer was disheartening. They agreed that he could participate in the band, but it would cost a few thousand dollars+ to enroll him for the year. The class schedule was also sporadic on different days and times, which would make planning any other activities very difficult. I did the math and based on the band schedule of meeting 2-3 times per week, we would be paying $40-$60 per hour with what the school wanted to charge us. This fee seemed extreme for a large classroom, beginner learning experience. We talked with our son and decided against enrolling him in their program. We hired a professional trumpet player, who gives private lessons weekly online and happens to be half the cost of the large classroom band program. So, yes, he's missing out on band. There are homeschool band programs, but they were either too far away for my liking or met at times we weren't available.
NOTES: I find it interesting that many have a very "all-in" attitude toward education options. Just like every child is different, so are their educational needs. Homeschooling has been an absolute blessing in our lives. It has been exactly what our kids needed during certain times in their educational journey. We have the "homeschool door is always open" mentality and the same goes for public school. To be honest, I would not have been a good homeschooling parent for my older boys. Having five kids in eight years, battling cancer, dealing with occasional postpartum depression, and not sleeping consistently would have made home-education a negative experience for all involved. I am so grateful for the support and guidance our kids have received through public education. I don't regret the education choices we've made. I LOVE homeschooling my kids. I find joy in researching and finding amazing curriculums. I love learning alongside the kids and showing them a love of learning.
A few months ago, my older of the two homeschooling said he'd like to go back to school again so that he could be around more kids. His request was to find a new school, however, and not return to the neighborhood public school he was attending before. I love that he took initiative in this decision. We researched schools together. We took tours and asked a lot of questions. We wanted to be intentional with his education. Together, we decided on a charter school that we both feel good about. Seeing his older brother's excitement started our youngest to also consider attending the charter school. In the weeks following, they learned that some of their friends from church and even a neighbor attend this same charter school. So, our homeschool journey will come to an end this summer, but the door will not be closed. While I will miss homeschooling our kids, I also see the progression they've made both educationally and mentally. With them back in school next year, I will begin a new phase in my own life: my education path, employment, and preparing for our oldest to leave the nest. There is a season for all things.
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